両手いっぱいの言葉

草の笛吹くを切なく聞いており告白以前の愛とは何ぞ　『十五才』　寺山修司

そうだよなぁ・・・告白も何もしてないのに何でいつもダメだと思うのだろうか？
なんでこうも自分に自信が持てないのか？
ほんとは話したいのに
何で自分はダメと思うのだろう。
このこころは偽りなのだろうか？

頭部の骨を作るのが一番テンション上がったって言ってたのを思い出すし
珍しく低い声の人を好きになるし
あののど仏を押してみたいと思うし
ケツを蹴り上げてみたいと思うし
もっと話を聞きたいと思うし
そうあの声でもっと話してほしいと思う。
もっと知りたいし
もっと会話らしい会話をしたい。
問答なようなそんな感じがしたい。
あの声で震える鼓膜が恋をしたのかもしれない。
それを自分で止めたんだな。
そう、止めてしまった。
自分が止めてしまった。
この自信のなさが止めてしまった。
想像だけでは何も始まらない。
そして何も終わらない。

コメント 23

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