するするとおちてゆく

あれから何日たっただろう。
年が明けない意味がわかったのが10日
あれからもう気がつけば2週間以上たったのか。。。

突然、『明日からも生きてゆきます。』と言った中村一義の言葉がよぎり
いつものように大笑いして、涙がやっと止まったと思ったら
今あの日から
全て自分から落ち始めたんだと気がついた。
自分がやりたいと思うこと、進めていこうとしたこと全てが
なかったことになるんだなぁと。。。

そっか、自分は誰かに何かを伝えることが役割だったのだから
それがもう終わったんだ。
なにも想いたくなくなった。
芸術も美術もARTもなんだか自分に合わなくなり始めた。
音楽も止まってしまった。

どこまで落ちるかわからないので
一応連絡する人をわかるようにしておいた。

また夢で”行こう”と言われたら
最後までついていこう。
真っ暗闇をその首に書かれた文字を頼りに

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